For great sex and a marriage that lasts, our “two things”

This topic is tough to talk about, tough to write about, and fraught with many emotions. Please understand that I am writing in generalities regarding the genders, acknowledging that there are exceptions to every rule. Thank you in advance for your grace and compassion as I allow myself to be vulnerable with you.

Today, I’m going to talk to you about what I’ve learned after nearly 30 years of marriage about keepin’ it hot and fulfilling. That, plus how you go about buildin’ a fence, which, now that I think about it, is kind of like that one wall the pols are talkin’ about that’s supposed to keep aliens out, the border protected and the citizens safe and secure.

Kinda like that.

Anyway. As I’ve told you before, Mr. Schrock, a few years back, went through a great and terrible breaking. And it was during that time that God opened his eyes all the way up to what pornography was, how it worked, what it did and didn’t do, and the lie that the whole thing was based on. You can read that right here for yourself.

I’ve also told you this, that all of our lives we were told that men were, first and foremost visually driven, and that the lure of pornography was the imagery. In fact, I think that almost every marriage retreat we ever attended preached this same message. The speakers would talk about men’s need for seeing and for sex. Almost every marriage book we’ve ever read said the same thing. That, at least, is what we heard and understood.

Then, we were told, that women’s great need was to be loved. That was primary, and that sex could be rather difficult for us since it wasn’t our “first thing,” but in obedience, we should say the “yes.” Again, that is what I heard and understood.

Now, nearly 30 years later, God in His mercy has taught Beloved Mister and I the truth about sex and about faithfulness. For us, the answer has two parts.

During his aforementioned journey to healing, wholeness and freedom, my husband saw the glorious truththat we were made for emotional connection. That what men addicted to porn were looking for was actually not so much “more flesh” as for a real, heart-deep, emotional connection. With the lie being that, “Maybe the next one will satisfy me.” Or the next and the next and the…well, you get what I’m saying.

So what began happening for us is that God came in, and He brought His healing power to bear in both of our hearts, in both of our lives, and through healing, we began to connect emotionally in a much greater way than we ever had before. Let me just say, it is glorious when Jesus heals!

My husband will tell you that there is no other woman on earth; no Miss America, no Victoria’s Secret model who can turn his head. Not one who can cause him to lust or to stray, for his heart is set on me. Even after 29-1/2 years and his thorough knowledge of me at my worst with all of my shortcomings and failures, that man is head over heels for me, and I for him as well.

Let me tell you what that does for your sex life. See, it’s true that your man loves sex and seeing. But what’s bigger is his longing for your love. It is through that physical intimacy with you that he expresses his deep feelings for you, and it’s how he feels the most connected. To you!

When his attraction and arousal are fueled by love, then, and not lust, you have fireworks. Contentment. Devotion. Pure happiness! No affair in the world can match it. Which brings security, and that wonderful, protective fence.

When you feel and know and are convinced of his love, your emotional bank is full. For it’s true that your need is to be loved (that part’s right). And that’s how you learn to love sex with your man. It’s celebration, crazy fun, and no affair in the world can match it.

The other part of our equation is the Lord Jesus Christ. What began happening in my husband’s heart as God was doing His work is that Jesus became so real to him; so dear; such a true Friend and Brother that he came to a point where he realized that he could not bear to disappoint Him. To hurt Him. To be separated from Him, for that’s what sin always and ever will do.

Sin will separate.

I believe it is possible for people who aren’t Christians to have warm, healthy, emotional connections with each other, to have happy marriages. But it is that strong love connection with Jesus that keeps you even from the desire to sin that protects and encircles your marriage. That keeps it safe.

Your union with your spouse was God’s idea. God’s design. It’s the portrait of His heart to the world.

Satan hates it. And so, there are a thousand reasons why sex is hard and perversions abound.

Please, please, please. If you have been sexually abused or if you have emotional issues that keep you from making healthy connections, get help. There are people that God has equipped for the helping and healing.

For the man trapped in porn, there is help. Jesus Christ saves!

For the woman trapped in lies, there is help. Jesus heals.

Jesus is for you both. He’s for your marriage. Full surrender to Him, to His Word, and to His work in your life–whatever that is, whatever it takes–is the key.

May God bless you and keep you in the palm of His hand, and may God bless your marriage.

Warmly,

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