Finding the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ of your life

This essay was first published on The Daily BS on August 8, 2025.

In last week’s essay, I mentioned the Oldsmobile we had when we got married. It was maroon, and it was about the size and efficiency of a German tank. It ran on diesel, which meant that in the winter, we had to plug it in to keep the fuel from freezing. How well I remember driving it to work one day in a Midwest polar blast when it froze up and stopped in the road, leaving me stranded.

Just as the fuel I was using in my engine let me down, so does the fuel that many of us use in our emotional and spiritual “engines.” And just as a vehicle will run longer and better with periodic tune-ups, so it is with humans. Periodic self-examination, or a tune-up, can help us find pinhole leaks and problems before they become full-blown issues that stop us, cold, in the road, leaving us stranded.

Consider, then, this question. What drives you?

A conference speaker laid down this challenge once. “What is the ‘yes’ for your life? What is the ‘no?’” In other words, what are you so passionate about that you will give your life to promoting, encouraging, or facilitating? That is your ‘yes.’

As for your ‘no,’ what injustice or evil are you so passionate about that you will give your life to stopping or changing? That is your ‘no.’ (He added that he prayed for his children to find their own ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ Inspired, I adopted his prayer for my sons.)

These are questions worth pondering, for it requires us to contemplate the overarching purpose for our lives. It’s important to know why we’re here and what we’re meant to do. If life is a vapor that soon vanishes, as the Good Book says, then we don’t want to waste a single day. We need to find our ‘yes’ and our ‘no.’

Often, these will come through our life experiences. The things that happen to us shape us in unique ways. Whether it’s tragedy or some great good, we will usually discover our ‘yes’ and our ‘no’ in what we’ve lived through or witnessed. Identifying these is crucial.

Then comes the administration of the great ‘yes’ and ‘no’ of our lives. Using our individual talents and abilities in the circles in which we live, the ripples begin. (Here, it’s important to note the futility and harm of comparison. No one else has lived the life you’ve lived. No other soul has experienced precisely what you’ve experienced or overcome what you’ve overcome. There’s not another human on the planet that has your exact tastes, skills, and innate gifts. You, my friend, are one of a kind.)

You cannot be someone else, but no one else can be you, either. When you grasp this simple truth, it will set you free to be who and what you are, exactly where you live. We should not all be in the same place, doing the same things in the same ways. Countless people would never receive the joy or the blessing from our lives. Thus, we must resist comparison, which will drain the fuel from the tank as surely as any hole.

Now, about that fuel. What’s in your tank? For some, it is anger. There is, I believe, a righteous anger that works to set things straight, but does not destroy others in the process. Anger can move us to do something right about something that is wrong. However, anger that darkens into resentment, bitterness, and vengeance is a dark and treacherous path that will bring consequences. Anger alone is not enough.

Others carry hope. They believe that they can make a difference, bringing good and effecting change, and so they press on through difficulties and setbacks. They persevere in hope despite all obstacles. They simply do not quit; this is what hope does.

Millions are fueled by faith. They know that they don’t walk alone, and so they cast themselves into their great purpose and work. Their courage is divinely inspired. They know they’ll be rewarded one day in grand style.

The greatest fuel of all is Love, for Love never fails. Hope and faith will be unneeded one day, for in eternity our faith shall be made sight, and we shall cast ourselves into the arms of hope’s very author. All that will remain is Love.

For this one small mother, the great purpose of my life, my ‘yes’ and ‘no,’ is the encouragement and exhortation of my fellow human beings. The vehicle that carries my gifts to the world is words. With words, I share my ‘yes!’ With other words, I call out my ‘no’s.’

In hope, I write and speak. In faith, I keep on planting. The motivation beneath it all–undergirding, supporting, and establishing it–is love.

To all who have found their life’s work and are faithful in performing it, I bless you. Keep going.

To those who are still seeking, I bless you. Keep looking. It is there for you to find.

Warmly, as always,

America’s small, caffeinated mom