How to be a safe woman for noble men
In the intervening time, these words have bobbed quietly in the back of my mind, twirling like a leaf atop a creek in the fall. Dancing away from the shore, out of sight, then returning; nature’s delicate rhythm.
Safe. Men of honor. “Thank you.”
What, I’ve been wondering, makes a woman safe? And how does she treat men of honor? Or (there is this) those who aren’t? What is needed?
As the mother of four sons with a deep, abiding attachment to their blue-eyed, stalwart father, I care deeply about this issue. As a daughter, a parent, a sister, and a friend, I am 100% woman. I embrace my femininity even as God continues to guide me through a healing journey from the pit of shame, sexual abuse, and fear.
Safe. Men of honor. “Thank you.”
How can a woman like me be a safe place for men like my husband and my sons? For men like the writer of the message? For other women’s husbands? For other mothers’ sons? For men who cross my path day to day?
Here’s where I’ve come to. Mostly, men are doing exactly what we women are doing; which is, the very best that we can.
Sometimes, we girls are overbearing or needy or emotional or stubborn. Some days, we spend too much. We complain when we shouldn’t. We go quiet when we should talk and talk when we should go quiet. Sometimes, we do. Sometimes, we are.
Men can be distant, nonemotive, or silent.. Can be controlling or passive. Can work too much or not enough. Men misuse their strength at times, and it hurts the ones in their way. Sometimes they do. Sometimes, they are.
When we’ve been hurt by men, it’s easy to allow distrust to grow. A wounding by one breeds suspicion of all; a natural result, but destructive. We can change.
When men have been hurt by women, it’s easy to allow contempt to grow. A grievous wounding by one breeds contempt of all; again, all too natural, but destructive. They can change.
What if I would choose respect? Choose grace? Choose compassion on the men that we meet? What if I’d give the benefit first, reserving the doubt for the proof? How ’bout that?
What if I’d see them as God surely does, as His dearly loved friends? As humans who bear His own image? As people who are doing the best that they can with what they’ve got?
Frankly, I love men. I love their strength–physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I love their wild, risk-taking passion that builds giant buildings, scales mountains, and slays giants. I do. How we need them.
I love being a woman. I love receiving and giving the soft, maternal comfort that makes life in a cold world so much better. I love the great power we have to give life to everyone in our own spheres. Including men.
Men, after all, aren’t the enemy. Neither are women. There is an enemy, though, and his scheme is to draw lines and create camps. To pit us against one another.
It’s time to call him out. Not here! Not anymore. Come, Lord Jesus.
As a woman, I’d like to give the gift of safety to men of honor. To view them with respect, with compassion, and with grace. To see the nobility within and to call it out. This is the gift we can give, you and I.
For Christ and for His kingdom,
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