Local mother schools AOC on truly dangerous farts

South Bend, IN – After hearing reports of the Green New Deal legislation proposed by Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a local mother has issued a response. “If the representative from New York thinks cow farts are a threat, she hasn’t met my sons.”

She continued, “Until you’ve traveled in a car with four boys who’ve just had burritos, you haven’t known fear. Or real pollution. Why, on one long car trip, we made the mistake of feeding ‘em Mexican food and that quick, everything went black. I saw a long tunnel and a really bright light. I was just about to greet my granny who’d gone on to her reward, but all at once I was back in the front passenger’s seat, and I could breathe again. Somebody must’ve opened a window.”

She shivered. “But it was close.”

Since then, she said, she’s put her sons on the BRAT (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast) diet. “Every time we pass a Taco Bell, my palms get sweaty, and I hit the gas.”

“I wish I’d invented charcoal-filtered underpants,” she opined. “I could’ve made a killing. But then Ms. Ocasio-Cortez would’ve slapped a wealth tax on me, so that ship’s sailed. Meanwhile, I’m left, just ventilating and burning my Yankee candles.”

She’s issued an offer for the esteemed representative to come and share a meal with her family. She hasn’t decided, she said, what she will serve.