Would I leave fingerprints if I strangled a kid?

I was doing my usual Friday morning thing, sitting up at the coffee shop. I was there to write, but the senior had stopped in after early-morning prayer breakfast to beg a mocha off me. We were chatting when my phone rang and it was the Husband, all in an uproar. He, of course, pulls morning duty on Fridays and oversees toddler care and elementary/middle school prep. Kieran, our third grader, was a bundle of excitement because he has an all-day field trip today and the lunch I bought him, which he discovered to his great delight, was a Lunchable. This sent the eighth grader into a jealous funk with threats of God-knows-what-all (probably ingestion of Brother’s Lunchable). It all went downhill from there. By the time the Chief called me in a panic, the Lunchable was nowhere to be found and both boys had departed for school, one sans lunch.

You have got to be kidding me.

I called the school and of course the buses are leaving at 8:20 AM sharp. Grant did several walk-throughs, but nothing. SOOOOOOO….I picked everything up, zipped up to Martins, grabbed another one, blew up to the school, sailed home without even the beginning paragraph of my column written,walked upstairs, and found it laying in Kieran’s room, which a certain person swore up and down he had looked in REPEATEDLY. Talk about a colossal waste of my time. Why do I ever leave the premises??

He was very sorry and felt very bad for me. This now means I have to spend all that time tomorrow to get that thing written. He himself was quite disappointed as he really does look forward to his time with Gabey every Friday.

As I told Kieran’s teachers, “I feel like strangling two kids! Please don’t rat me out if they come and interrogate you.”

My question for a seasoned CSI is this – does strangling leave fingerprints on the neck?