The tyranny of “until”

FacebookTwitterGoogle+DiggPinterestBlogger

I suppose, if you follow me on social media, that you might think I have a perfect life. It’s not my intention to create a false narrative, for it’s not. My life isn’t perfect, I mean. It’s so very, very good in so very many ways, and I really do love the life that I have, but.

But I have experienced some devastating things in my years on earth. A parental divorce in the family, a cataclysmic (for us) church hurt, the ramifications of abuse and trauma, a prodigal son, and great financial hardships in the past are only some of the pieces of our story.

Some of these hard things have resolved, but not all. I am still awaiting the return of my prodigal son. My job has gone away, and I am waiting peacefully in the hallway as it were for God to bring me the next thing.

Nonetheless. I am resolved that I will not waste my life away in anxiety, fear, doubt, despair, or discouragement “until.” Ah, that awful “until.”

I refuse to wait to live “until.”

I will not wait to be joyful, or happy, or filled with hope “until.”

I refuse to live a small, insular life, being blind to those around me “until.”

I will not wait “until” to help my fellow man.

As I wait for that next thing, wait for my son, wait for the dreams that God has planted in my heart to come true, I will live. I will be awake to the world around me. I will do all that within my power lies to shine the light and love of Christ Who has brought me out into a large and spacious place. I will live in hope.

“Until” used to have the mastery of me, but no longer. I have lifted my eyes unto the fields, and I have seen that they are ripe for the harvest. “Until” is gone. There’s only now.

“Lord, how I love you. You have brought me out of the pit, and You have planted my feet upon the Rock to stay. Send me to those whom You love, and prepare their hearts to receive us, you and I. Amen.”